I fear Fear.
I fear
being left,
Forgotten, with no one there
To find me.
I fear
getting lost
from myself, and
Never finding my way back again.
I fear
having no one
To keep me company
In the unyielding dark.
I fear
loosing my most cherished,
and never being able to
Reveal what is
To the others.
I fear
the others, and
Letting them see my unseen
Reflection.
But yet, I have no fear
Of being left by lonesome,
In the mindful quiet
Isolated from The others,
Keeping myself the company
For which I crave,
tracking my own path,
Through the thicket
That is the journey
Of this life…
Who knows really knows the way?
The path for which their destiny lays, and
Where they will end
When they have nothing left, but the
Fear that I fear.
Who really knows?
Monday, May 3, 2010
On the Other Side of the Unseen
The sun bowed,
Head hung in the comprehension
Of true aching pain,
A witness to its radiation
through Her,
shutting down
her inner luminescence
She sits gazing,
in agony,
Waiting for the new day
When rays of golden light
will rise and
shed sunlight on
Her disheartened face
The pain,
It will reveal to her
Is only as real as you
Make it,
just like the fear
And should you feel
The need;
The determination
To overstep its bounds,
On the other side
Is where it lingers
Waiting to rise;
Should the choice
be made.
To free herself from the pain,
And instead, let the hopeless
love of those surrounding her
redeem her wings, and
finally allow her to
fly past the blinding
sunset.
Head hung in the comprehension
Of true aching pain,
A witness to its radiation
through Her,
shutting down
her inner luminescence
She sits gazing,
in agony,
Waiting for the new day
When rays of golden light
will rise and
shed sunlight on
Her disheartened face
The pain,
It will reveal to her
Is only as real as you
Make it,
just like the fear
And should you feel
The need;
The determination
To overstep its bounds,
On the other side
Is where it lingers
Waiting to rise;
Should the choice
be made.
To free herself from the pain,
And instead, let the hopeless
love of those surrounding her
redeem her wings, and
finally allow her to
fly past the blinding
sunset.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Perched above It all
I sit
Perched on this branch
Watching the world pass
Underneath me
It is constantly changing
Evolving
In to something better
Or worse depending
On your point of view
I sit
Watching a child
Riding a bicycle
Then fall
Off her pedestal and
skin her knee
I sit
Watching the man play Frisbee
With his golden ray of sunshine
The apparent bond present between the
Two
I watch the woman
Caring tenderly for her
Kin, the blood of her blood,
With strong hands and a
Nurturing heart
I sit and watch
Am the outsider looking in?
Or a foreigner
because they look
at Me as the outsider and
won’t let me in
To their lives
Their hearts
Their world.
Me? I am the watcher
Of this existence,
With no place it in.
Perched on this branch
Watching the world pass
Underneath me
It is constantly changing
Evolving
In to something better
Or worse depending
On your point of view
I sit
Watching a child
Riding a bicycle
Then fall
Off her pedestal and
skin her knee
I sit
Watching the man play Frisbee
With his golden ray of sunshine
The apparent bond present between the
Two
I watch the woman
Caring tenderly for her
Kin, the blood of her blood,
With strong hands and a
Nurturing heart
I sit and watch
Am the outsider looking in?
Or a foreigner
because they look
at Me as the outsider and
won’t let me in
To their lives
Their hearts
Their world.
Me? I am the watcher
Of this existence,
With no place it in.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Quote of the Day
"I put the FU in FUN!" - 4/29
"If the phone doesn't ring, It's me." - 4/30
-Jimmy Buffet
"Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad." - 5/1
-P.D. East
"Maybe this world is another planet's hell." - 5/2
-Aldous Huxley
"I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?" - 5/3
-Jerry Seinfeld
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." - 5/4
-Dave Barry
"If the phone doesn't ring, It's me." - 4/30
-Jimmy Buffet
"Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad." - 5/1
-P.D. East
"Maybe this world is another planet's hell." - 5/2
-Aldous Huxley
"I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?" - 5/3
-Jerry Seinfeld
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." - 5/4
-Dave Barry
I Used to be Here
I’m never looking down,
only ahead
allowing me to be born out of places.
At every sunrise, we are born again,
Through the shining and glittering light:
It is through this that life goes on, but
sadly, part of me is missing-
and I do not know what it is.
I am sorry for nothing,
And I thought it was easy but
I still wanted to turn
back, apart from the people I love
you made it look so easy
never making a mistake
and never trying things anew
A promise to those all around
that everything is worth the while:
the long, hard, blistering while,
is easy
When it’s not
But you had a secret,
The secret that made life go on,
that made the world turn.
That secret was in your eyes
Those same eyes which,
made the decision to never turn back.
only ahead
allowing me to be born out of places.
At every sunrise, we are born again,
Through the shining and glittering light:
It is through this that life goes on, but
sadly, part of me is missing-
and I do not know what it is.
I am sorry for nothing,
And I thought it was easy but
I still wanted to turn
back, apart from the people I love
you made it look so easy
never making a mistake
and never trying things anew
A promise to those all around
that everything is worth the while:
the long, hard, blistering while,
is easy
When it’s not
But you had a secret,
The secret that made life go on,
that made the world turn.
That secret was in your eyes
Those same eyes which,
made the decision to never turn back.
My Prophet of Doom
Tearing me apart
is the sadness
the emptiness
you left in the negative space
surrounding me
What I know
Or knew is gone, and
all I am left with is pieces
crushed, jagged pieces of what is/
was a beautiful lie
A lie, which was contagious,
Like the laughter of an innocent child
but in no way,
yet every way alike
A lie that I did not know was planted
Until its devastation was over and done with
Yet, just beginning
Was it worth it?
To feel encompassed by
loneliness
sadness
loss
And desolation
Although it doesn’t seem like it…
It was.
For now I am
forced to move on
to proceed despite misery
present because of you and
Your non-existence.
Where do I go from here?
Nowhere.
I cannot see any future,
nowhere but bleak desolation
Because all that I have,
All that i'm left with…
is Cynism, the only comfort,
the only solace that will
Take me.
Where will you go from here?
Everywhere
with everyone
While I sit here
Looking, but not seeing…
is the sadness
the emptiness
you left in the negative space
surrounding me
What I know
Or knew is gone, and
all I am left with is pieces
crushed, jagged pieces of what is/
was a beautiful lie
A lie, which was contagious,
Like the laughter of an innocent child
but in no way,
yet every way alike
A lie that I did not know was planted
Until its devastation was over and done with
Yet, just beginning
Was it worth it?
To feel encompassed by
loneliness
sadness
loss
And desolation
Although it doesn’t seem like it…
It was.
For now I am
forced to move on
to proceed despite misery
present because of you and
Your non-existence.
Where do I go from here?
Nowhere.
I cannot see any future,
nowhere but bleak desolation
Because all that I have,
All that i'm left with…
is Cynism, the only comfort,
the only solace that will
Take me.
Where will you go from here?
Everywhere
with everyone
While I sit here
Looking, but not seeing…
Revenge is...
Revenge is Bliss. Complete and utter bliss. It is happiness. Exactly how you feel when you personally dish out the karma one deserves. It is the satisfaction you feel when another suffers for daring to wrong you. It is the thing that puts you on cloud nine for your exemplary skills in causing another severe mental anguish. Revenge IS bliss, no only if machetes were legal…
Carry On
My chair stands out among all the rest. It is unique. My chair, like a diamond, is with many facets and colors in the light of the sun. It is split down the middle, the left glowing yellow with optimism and happiness, and the right is darkened with gray reflecting sadness and despair. It is bittersweet. One side stands strong--heroic, while the other is withered, worn, and old. One side triumphs, while the other hides in fear. The left is the comfiest and coziest chair around, while the right is rickety and falling apart. My chair is covered from top to bottom in dog hair, baby vomit, and potato chip crumbs.
My chair is stressful, and filled with weight from anxiety and the constant gravitational pull of fatigue. Sometimes this weight is unbearable, but other times it feels like nothing at all. My chair is like a mother to all in need—nurturing and carrying those who are unable to carry themselves, but still ongoing no matter what the heaviness. The left facet of the chair flaunts its war wounds and scars; Views them as trophies for hard times that were extinguished, being proud to go to war and fight for something. This side is never ashamed—viewing each step forward or back as a part of the journey or road ahead—never ending, but exciting in its curiosity. Never the less, all facets and I chug along, no matter what the weight or heaviness, not just because I depend on the chair, but for all of those who depend on me…
My Karmic Cycle of Reincarnation (fictional)
Dear Current Body,
I am a wandering soul, going from body to body, making the most of each precious life. When the body finally gives out and dies, I leave to return in a newer, younger body. My journey thus far has been a long one.
I started first in the body of Jean-Francois Champollion, born in 1790. I found this journey very exciting and interesting. At the time, I became very interested in newfound knowledge and discovery. I took up the unique hobbies of philogy in many languages, and also became a greatly educated French scholar and orientalist. Then I moved onto deciphering ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs, which truly took my immediate interest. Out of all my years, I must say that everything ancient Egyptian, especially mummies has enchanted me. Then, after a full 42 years, my body finally did give way, leaving an impressive legacy for others, and leaving me free to choose my next vessel.
So onto to the next body I went, which I then decided would be a female, to test out those waters. This body’s name was Mary Ann Robson, born in the year of 1832. I must say, I became very adventurous, devious, and down right evil in this body. I’m not exactly sure why, but when I came across certain urges, I just went with them. I must say that my life in this body was not an easy one, and my childhood especially, downright angered me. I decided that as soon as I looked of age, I would move out of my house from my horrible parents. Soon I found my first husband, but I was displeased. Specifically, seeing how badly some men behaved truly disgusted me. So more or less, I went on a wild and secretive killing spree. My weapon of choice, arsenic poisoning. By the time I was finally caught, I killed a countless amount of people, mostly former husbands who revolted me. But I was caught, and of coarse executed, which I might say was most unpleasant.
So to avoid further killings and other dangerous habits, I decided to go back to the male species, it seemed some how slightly easier than that of a woman, especially without all those crazy hormones and PMS. My next vessel of choice was that of Radoje Domanovic, born in 1873. He was Serbian. And more or less, slightly controversial. In this body, I explored my ability to write, specifically short stories, which brought me much joy and release. I mostly focused on humorous short stories to diverge my energy away from my previous dark nature. To my great surprise, it worked. I shelled out many stories by the time the body was thirty-five years of age. And at some point in those years, I began to teach. Being able to give knowledge to others also gave me great enjoyment. To know that I was able to pass things on to others and it might in effect, help them succeed in their lives made me feel quite accomplished, and in some ways happy. Of coarse all good things come to and end, because my weak body contracted tuberculosis, and you known there’s coming back from that. Sadly my happy life in that body died shortly after.
Again, bodies were up for grabs, and I decided to try something different. I chose at random. As it turned out, I got lucky. This body brought me many places. His name was Eugen Suchon, born in the year 1908. In his lifetime, I became greatly aware and interested in music and it many instruments. During the childhood years of this body, I was surrounded by lovely music that swam in and out of my head at all times. I think I then discovered a new ability of mine. It was called composing. I was almost able to visually see in my mind new notes mashing together, almost like they were always meant to belong together side by side. This ability was truly a gift. The art of music brought me so much happiness, and it seems that happiness isn’t even a good enough word to describe it. I truly immersed this body into everything music. I composed from a to z, including vocals works, operas, and even orchestral works—to my great amazement. The rest of this man’s life came and went, but I will always remember the joy I was lucky to receive.
And finally, this leads me to you, the body of Loni, born in 1993. I must admit I am quite pleased with my choice. It appears, that with this body I am able perform a little it of everything I love. I can remain creative, musical, interested in all things Egyptian, and kind in one vessel. I admit that this life is not perfect, but most good things aren’t, most great things aren’t. Despite the challenges of living in this era, I cannot wait to see the many experiences and places this creative, intelligent, and disciplined body will take me in the many years to come.
Sincerely Yours,
Your Soul.
I am a wandering soul, going from body to body, making the most of each precious life. When the body finally gives out and dies, I leave to return in a newer, younger body. My journey thus far has been a long one.
I started first in the body of Jean-Francois Champollion, born in 1790. I found this journey very exciting and interesting. At the time, I became very interested in newfound knowledge and discovery. I took up the unique hobbies of philogy in many languages, and also became a greatly educated French scholar and orientalist. Then I moved onto deciphering ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs, which truly took my immediate interest. Out of all my years, I must say that everything ancient Egyptian, especially mummies has enchanted me. Then, after a full 42 years, my body finally did give way, leaving an impressive legacy for others, and leaving me free to choose my next vessel.
So onto to the next body I went, which I then decided would be a female, to test out those waters. This body’s name was Mary Ann Robson, born in the year of 1832. I must say, I became very adventurous, devious, and down right evil in this body. I’m not exactly sure why, but when I came across certain urges, I just went with them. I must say that my life in this body was not an easy one, and my childhood especially, downright angered me. I decided that as soon as I looked of age, I would move out of my house from my horrible parents. Soon I found my first husband, but I was displeased. Specifically, seeing how badly some men behaved truly disgusted me. So more or less, I went on a wild and secretive killing spree. My weapon of choice, arsenic poisoning. By the time I was finally caught, I killed a countless amount of people, mostly former husbands who revolted me. But I was caught, and of coarse executed, which I might say was most unpleasant.
So to avoid further killings and other dangerous habits, I decided to go back to the male species, it seemed some how slightly easier than that of a woman, especially without all those crazy hormones and PMS. My next vessel of choice was that of Radoje Domanovic, born in 1873. He was Serbian. And more or less, slightly controversial. In this body, I explored my ability to write, specifically short stories, which brought me much joy and release. I mostly focused on humorous short stories to diverge my energy away from my previous dark nature. To my great surprise, it worked. I shelled out many stories by the time the body was thirty-five years of age. And at some point in those years, I began to teach. Being able to give knowledge to others also gave me great enjoyment. To know that I was able to pass things on to others and it might in effect, help them succeed in their lives made me feel quite accomplished, and in some ways happy. Of coarse all good things come to and end, because my weak body contracted tuberculosis, and you known there’s coming back from that. Sadly my happy life in that body died shortly after.
Again, bodies were up for grabs, and I decided to try something different. I chose at random. As it turned out, I got lucky. This body brought me many places. His name was Eugen Suchon, born in the year 1908. In his lifetime, I became greatly aware and interested in music and it many instruments. During the childhood years of this body, I was surrounded by lovely music that swam in and out of my head at all times. I think I then discovered a new ability of mine. It was called composing. I was almost able to visually see in my mind new notes mashing together, almost like they were always meant to belong together side by side. This ability was truly a gift. The art of music brought me so much happiness, and it seems that happiness isn’t even a good enough word to describe it. I truly immersed this body into everything music. I composed from a to z, including vocals works, operas, and even orchestral works—to my great amazement. The rest of this man’s life came and went, but I will always remember the joy I was lucky to receive.
And finally, this leads me to you, the body of Loni, born in 1993. I must admit I am quite pleased with my choice. It appears, that with this body I am able perform a little it of everything I love. I can remain creative, musical, interested in all things Egyptian, and kind in one vessel. I admit that this life is not perfect, but most good things aren’t, most great things aren’t. Despite the challenges of living in this era, I cannot wait to see the many experiences and places this creative, intelligent, and disciplined body will take me in the many years to come.
Sincerely Yours,
Your Soul.
The Three
They are snapdragons. Each standing tall with independence and flowering friendly blossoms. Each blossom with its own stem, reaching out to the others. Among these three beautiful snapdragons, if help is needed, help is given, and if a friend is needed, most certainly, it will be given. Each one is unique and has its own exotic appearance, every distinct shade of the radiant color spectrum belonging to one of the three. Despite their varying characteristics in colors and personality, they are each of the same kin, the same family of snapdragons.
Aside from their independent and fierce looks, there is a secret among the family of three. They are dependent. They are dependent on Mother Nature, and that her supply of brilliant sunlight and delicious rain drops is never ending. They are dependent on each other to keep growing and living on.
Beneath the ground, they are intermingled. Their roots intertwined with each other’s. Hugging each other, with a positive and nurturing nature, reassuring the others it will always be ok if they are together, if they forever stay the family of three.
Aside from their independent and fierce looks, there is a secret among the family of three. They are dependent. They are dependent on Mother Nature, and that her supply of brilliant sunlight and delicious rain drops is never ending. They are dependent on each other to keep growing and living on.
Beneath the ground, they are intermingled. Their roots intertwined with each other’s. Hugging each other, with a positive and nurturing nature, reassuring the others it will always be ok if they are together, if they forever stay the family of three.
Home
I want a house that is mine, and mine alone. A house that comforts with spacious room to grow. A house of vibrant and sensational colors, but resides tranquil and relaxed from wall to wall. With the one true rule of cleanliness being next to godliness, and every object having a home of its own. A house that calls to me when I am away but lets me breathe when I am home. I want a house that is mine, a home that houses me, and me alone.
Independently Free
I am the only daughter among my family. I am the girl with absolutely no men in her life. No father, no grandfather, no uncle of substance—except for my tiny brother of 2 years, I am man-less.
I like it that way, for the time being. I have learned to live my lifestyle and be happy without a male figure. My mother says having a husband wasn’t the greatest thing for her, and isn’t for every body. I can believe it. She looks at me and says I will one day make some one very happy.
I am prepared to wait. Possibly wait for a forever. But when if I do become a married woman, I don’t want to dissolve into a trophy wife with absolutely no substance, or even one of the beautiful and cruel women with no boundaries. I hope to become independent and free. No designated male or female obligations among us. Just him and I…when that day comes.
I like it that way, for the time being. I have learned to live my lifestyle and be happy without a male figure. My mother says having a husband wasn’t the greatest thing for her, and isn’t for every body. I can believe it. She looks at me and says I will one day make some one very happy.
I am prepared to wait. Possibly wait for a forever. But when if I do become a married woman, I don’t want to dissolve into a trophy wife with absolutely no substance, or even one of the beautiful and cruel women with no boundaries. I hope to become independent and free. No designated male or female obligations among us. Just him and I…when that day comes.
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